


He thinks his name was James

by CrankyWhenProvoked



Series: Will not resuscitate [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: AIDS, Angst, Au of sorts, Inspired by Music, M/M, Sad, sick!Sam
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-05-26
Updated: 2013-05-26
Packaged: 2017-12-13 00:16:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/817717
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrankyWhenProvoked/pseuds/CrankyWhenProvoked
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>UPDATE: Due to one reason or another, this story will not be updated or kept going. </p><p>Sam goes off to college and one night changes his life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Sam wasn't a whore by any standard of the word. He would have to be dating someone at least a month before any kind of sexual anything would go on. Every man that was in his past, he knew and still know. A few of them, that parted with him on good terms, he still talks to every once and a while.

Until the party a few years ago.

His best friend Jess had invited him away from his homework for the night and took him to have some fun. He knew a few people there and mostly kept to them and the wine that was there, the host said it was classier. One of the people that he knew was in one of his classes came up when he was a little past buzzed.

The guy had said something about Sam should meet his friend and he was introduced. Sam had never seen such blue eyes on a man before and the way that contrasted sharply with his black hair, blew Sam away.

He remembers drinking a few more glasses of wine and the guy had propositioned him to spend the night. Any other night Sam would have said no in a heartbeat, since he didn't like not getting to know people. But with the wine and the way the guys eye captivated him deeply, he found him self saying yes.

That night and the next morning when he left the males place were forever burned into his mind these days.

His days now spent in the hospital day in and day out, since he was nearly getting to weak to move on his own.

"Hey Sam," Jess said, walking into the room, causing him to wipe at his eyes quickly.

"Hey Jess," Sam said, his voice scratchy from coughing all night.

"You need to call them," She said, sitting next to his legs on the bed.

"Jess, you say that like it's going to make me do it,"

"Damn it Sam, you need to tell your dad and Dean that you are going to die," She said, a few tears slipping down her cheeks.

"I know," He said softly.

"Just because your dad told you to get out and never come back, doesn't mean you should keep him out of your life now, him or Dean,"

"The last time I talked to Dean, he told me that I was stupid about being gay and that I was going to get AIDS," Sam said, looking out the window.

That fight was bad between the brothers. It wasn't that Dean really had that much of a problem with him being gay, it was more that he wanted Sam for himself. Sam knew that as much as Dean did, but in a way he couldn't bring himself to be what Dean wanted him to be. When he got to Stanford, Sam had told Dean he needed to try and find someone that wasn't his brother. Dean didn't take it well and it blew up, leaving them not to talk to each other again.

"And what you don't want him to say, I told you so?" Jess said, holding Sam's hand.

"I guess,"

"Sam, honey if you tell him what's going on, you damn well know that he's going to be more worried about the fact their going to lose you than what was said in the past,"

"Yea," He said, trying to stop the tears.

"Call them," She said again.

"I will,"

Jess stayed around until the nurse told her softly that visiting hours were over and she would have to leave.

"Do it Sam," She said, kissing his forehead.

"I promise,"

After she left Sam picked up his phone and clicked till the screen said DAD and clicked the talk button.

"This is John Winchester. I can't be reached. If this is an emergency, call my son, Dean at 866-907-3235. He can help."

Sam sighed a little but waited until the beep stopped. "Hey Dad, it's Sam… I know you don't want to hear from me after all we said, but I just called to let you know that I'm not going to be around much longer, I'm pretty sick. I'm at Long Beach Memorial Medical Center in room 423 and I don't think I'll be leaving here except in a body bag, I love you dad, good bye,"

Sam hit the end button and moved down to Dean's name on the list, hesitating a bit more than he did with his dad. With a deep breath, he clicked the talk button and raised it to his ear. It rang quite a few times until it clicked to Dean's voice mail.

"This is Dean Winchester. If this is an emergency, leave a message. If you're calling about 11-2-83, please page me with your coordinates."

Sam sighed again but waited once more for the beep to finish. "Hey Dean, I know you really don't want to talk to me right now and that's more than likely why I'm leaving you a message rather than talking to you. I need to let you know though, this will more than likely be the last time you ever hear from me. I'm dying De, it's kinda funny in a way. You told me not to go for other guys, that I was going to get AIDS, well guess the jokes on me. I love you Dean I never really got a chance to tell you that, but it's all to late now. Good bye Dean, I'm at Long Beach Memorial Medical Center in room 423 if you want to see me or find out where I'm buried after it's all over,"

Sam hung up the phone and laid it on the table that can be moved across the bed for food and other things. Lying his bed back to full laying, he turned his head into the slightly soft pillow and cried him self to sleep.

Over the next few days, Sam had a few visitors and wanted to cry after each of them came in. Since they were barely out of the room and talking about what a pity and loss it was going to be. His phone never went off and he almost thought about just turning the thing off so he wouldn't just be sitting there waiting for it to go off.

A few days later Sam had just seen the nurse that brought the pill that he was still taking, hoping they would start to work and she had left closing the door like he asked. He didn't really like watching people pass his room, it was a little annoying. Not to mention seeing things he would rather not and the people looking at him. Yea he knew he looked like hell, all the muscle he had, had was not gone with all the weight he had lost. A small knock on the door broke him out of his debate whether to watch TV, go on his computer or sleep.

"Come in," He said, in a slightly raised voice.

The door opened a small crack then opened more as a figure stepped in, making Sam's jaw drop a little.

"Dad?" He asked.

John nodded and stepped in and to the side a little, revealing another person behind him.

"Dean?"

"Sammy,"


	2. Chapter 2

"You guys came," Sam said, still in shock at seeing the two males make their way into the room.

Dean pulled the chair that was by the bed closer as John took a seat next to legs on the bed.

"Of course we did, why would you think other wise," John said, settling his hand on Sam's knee.

"The last time I talked to you, you told me to get out and never come back and in so many words that you wished I was never born,"

John opened and closed his mouth a few times and just hung his head a little. "I'm sorry for that Sam, if I could take it all back I would but I can't all I can do is be here for you now,"

"Yea,"

"How," John's voice deserted him for a moment as he cleared his throat and started again. "How long do they say you have?"

Sam frowned and ran his hand through his hair, looking down at the blanket. "Anywhere from a month to about three,"

Dean made a small choking noise. "That's it?"

"That's it, if they would have been able to catch it earlier it might be different, but…," He trailed off.

"When did you realize what it was?" John asked, causing Sam to look at him odd. "Dean told me,"

Sam nodded a little. "About six months ago, I started throwing up nearly twice a day and I was losing weight like there was no tomorrow, even though I was eating nearly twice as much as before,"

He stopped and took a shaky breath. "Well then Jess told me I needed to come to the doctors and so I did and that's when they told me I had AIDS,"

"Who's Jess?" John asked, a little confused.

"My best friend, she's actually the one that forced me to call you guys," Sam said in a soft voice.

"You weren't going to?" John asked gently.

"The last time I talked to either of you it didn't end well, in a way it just made more sense for her to let you know after the fact. Even more I guess I didn't want you guys to see me like this,"

"Oh Sam," John opened his mouth to say more, but nothing came out.

A small knock on the door startled them all as a second later a nurse popped her head in.

"Sam we have that pain medicine you asked for," She said coming into the room.

"Oh, thank you," He said, sitting up, the blankets falling off him.

Dean made a small gasping noise and John had trouble keeping the tears in looking at the shell of Sam beneath the gown. The nurse handed him the pill, which he took with the water glass that was always present.

"While I'm here I might as well do you vitals and all, if you don't mind?" She asked, pulling the machine with a thermometer and blood pressure closer.

"No I don't mind," Sam said, smiling softly at her.

She smiled back and went about doing what she needed to and soon enough was done.

"That you very much Sam, I'll be back in six hours,"

"Thanks Kriss," He said as she left.

"Six hours?" John asked as Sam leaned back down against the raised bed.

"Their still trying some kind of experimental drug to try and help me, but it doesn't look good,"

A small tick in Dean's jaw as he tried not to let the tears spill. As John noticed this and his clenched fist, he gave Sam's knee a small squeeze.

"Well I drove all night to get here and am in desperate need of some coffee,"

"Just take the elevator down to the first floor, hook a left then another left then a right and you'll be where you need to be,"

John smiled and stood up, giving Sam a kiss on the forehead, then walked out, shutting the door behind him.

"Dean," Sam said softly a few minutes after their dad left.

"Damn it Sammy," Dean said, getting up and moving over to where John had moved from.

"I'm sorry I didn't listen to you," Sam said quietly.

"Who did this to you?" Dean asked, sliding his hand into Sam's.

Sam let out a sigh and shook his head lightly.

"Sammy?"

"I think his name was James,"

Dean did a small double take. "You think, Sammy that's not like you in the least,"

Tears started falling as he told Dean about the party and all of it and what happened. Moving up closer to the male, Dean pulled Sam into his arms hugging him tight against him.

"Oh Sammy," He choked out.

"I'm so stupid," Sam sobbed.

"No your not, we all make mistakes and from what it sounds like this guy was an asshole and was spreading it on purpose,"

"I guess,"

"Did you ever try to find him?"

"He was just a friend of a class mate, by the time I found out what I had, I didn't have that class anymore and never saw the class mate again,"

"Sammy," Dean said softly pulling back and wiping the tears off Sam's face with his thumbs.

"I should have listened to you," He said softly.

"No you shouldn't have, I was being selfish,"

"Dean if I would have listened to you, I wouldn't be in this bed right now and I wouldn't be dying,"

"It doesn't matter, you didn't feel the same way as I did and you wanted to spread your wings and fly,"

Sam's eyes refused to meet Dean's, even as Dean kept his face where it was.

"Sammy?"

"That's the problem De,"

"What was the problem?"

"I did feel the same way as you did,"

Dean was shocked, opening and closing his mouth a few times. "What?"

"I felt the same way you used to feel about me but I was terrified about what I felt so I lied and told you that I couldn't do it and didn't feel anything,"

"Oh,"

Dean didn't let go of his light hold on Sam's face and Sam didn't try to move away but there was a still silence.

"And you're a bit wrong," Dean said, causing Sam to look confused.

"About what?"

"It's not used to anything, I still love you Sammy,"

Sam blinked a few times a few more tears starting to fall as he wrapped his hands around Dean's wrists.

"Dean," He said in a sob.

"Sammy?"

"Yea?"

Dean sighed a little and leaned forward slightly. "Can I kiss you?"

Sam opened and closed his mouth a few times, then just nodded. Dean leaned forward a little more, slightly nervous. Letting out a breath, Sam leaned forward pressing their lips together. Just as Dean started to respond the door to the room opened.


End file.
